Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
