Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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