The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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