i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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