I'm so fucking centered right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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