dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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