so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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