I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
