dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
