I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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