her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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