apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
