You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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