I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
