how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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