Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
