just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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