Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
