it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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