bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
