census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
