So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
