Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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