piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
