do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
