a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
