Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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