I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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