Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
