I want to have your abortion
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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