What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
