I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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