I hate your face
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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