he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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