NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
