The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
