i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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