yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
