I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
