Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.