Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL