Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker