Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?