There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.