cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!