I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
