you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
