guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
