I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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