I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
