There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
