i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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