there's paper in my vomit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just gargled with NyQuil
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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