Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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