My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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