Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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