sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
