I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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