do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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