You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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