My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
