i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
