White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
