Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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