I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
