the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
