I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
