Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
