do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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