Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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