I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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