I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
