you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
