then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
