Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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