i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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