i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
