there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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