Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
