you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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