I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
