clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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