im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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