just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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