I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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