my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
