i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I pour the whiskey from now on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
