Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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