i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
