areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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